he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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