I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
