so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
