fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize