Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i now understand why vodka
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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