In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
