So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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