I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I deserve this hangover.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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