Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
