mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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