I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
