PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
