I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
