He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
