My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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