he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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