I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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