After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
