you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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