I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
