Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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