fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
