"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Randomize
