when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
