well I can't set my house on fire every night
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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