My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize