I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
