im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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