The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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