Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
