oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I will pee on everything he values.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
