in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
