the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
