his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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