Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
