he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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