The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just had sex on a roof
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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