She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
