Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
