i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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