just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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