She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
