Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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