I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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