Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
