My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
