Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
