I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize