I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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