Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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