The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
