In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
