So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
