Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
