Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
