I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
