just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
