i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Never let your siblings swipe right.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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