hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I understand Curling. That high.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
