hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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