New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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