Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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