So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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